Time for a little update

This summer has been busy busy!! We had my mom and grandma out to visit in may.. Then my dad came out in June and stayed until the beginning of July... At the end of July our friends Joel and Mary stopped in for a quick visit on their road trip.. And then my brother and Steph just wrapped up their visit with us a few days ago... We are also sneaking in a few visits with my friend Jenn these past few days, and again possibly tomorrow :) it's been so amazing, so busy, but so worth it!!

So what's coming up for us now?? Well, tomorrow is bens hearing test along with Brielle's 4 month vaccines..

Ben is potty trained, yay!!

Summer starts preschool in a little over two weeks. Crazy! Our little girl is growing up. She's so excited to go. And I'm excited for this new chapter in her life. I'm sure she will do amazingly. She will be followed by a child development therapist to see which areas she needs help with (right now it's mainly expressing her feelings instead of melting down).

We are going to start clearing out stuff since housing has yet to offer us a bigger house and right now we are feeling very claustrophobic in our own house which is terrible!!! :( so we sold our bed that was in the spare room, and soon, that room will become either our room, or Brielle's room, likely Brielle's since then, there will be less to move. We wanted to make it a playroom originally, but that's just not doable. Our biggest room (which Summer and Ben share), doesn't have enough room for Brielle's crib like I hoped it would... But we will make this work, I'm excited to see the outcome.


Til next time!! (Likely sept)

Another Big Update :)

It had been brought to my attention that my blog might need some updating.. And oh boy does it EVER, seeing as my last update was in NOVEMBER, I should probably do a huge catch up session..

My pregnancy:
The rest of the pregnancy went fairly well. Our daughter was breech for the longest time, then flipped to head down at 35 weeks then back to bum down at 37... I tried everything to flip her, from shining light lower on my belly, to putting heat low and cool compress on the top of my stomach, acupuncture, chiropractor, being on hands and knees. Nothing worked. So I had to go in for an ECV.. For those of you who are unfamiliar with this process, it's manually attempting to "flip the baby" by guiding the baby in the direction you want to go by essentially pushing it. Sounds easy right? NOPE!!   The OB managed to get baby girls butt out of my pelvic bone and got her turned almost sideways, but then her heart rate dropped. So we stopped.. At this point I was thanking everything above because this process was painful. I'd sooner go through labour than ever do this again.... But alas, they asked to try one more time.. No dice. Her heart rate dropped yet again.. They figured the cord was potentially wrapped around her neck as they saw it up near her face in the ultrasound.. At this point, csection was discussed.. With the cord being around her neck potentially, I didn't want to take any chances on giving birth naturally. I know it can be done, heck, I was a breech baby myself.. But I still couldn't risk her health period...

Before leaving for the hospital. 39 weeks

So I went home that night with the biggest lump in my throat. This was not how I planned for it to go. I was so upset but knew it was for the best.. Friday we cleaned the house as we were told to expect a call with a date and time, but that wit would likely be Monday April 7th or Tuesday the 8th... I got called and was told Monday at 430 was my day and time. So on Saturday we did our grocery shop luckily because when we got home we had a few missed called from my midwife saying I got bumped up to Sunday at 830am so I didn't have to go all day without eating. So panic set in.. I know it was only a day sooner, but I wasn't quite prepared yet. So I frantically ran around the house doing what I could, while barking order at poor Adam as to what he needs to do.. On top of it all, I was sick, Ben was sick.. Our house was still messy... So to bed I go at 11 or 1130. I didn't sleep that night, there was too much going on in my head, and I was hungry cuz I couldn't eat past 10.. And Ben and I were both coughing all night...

Sunday morning rolls around, we get up at 6, get the kids ready then head over to Becky and Jimmy's place.. We then head to the hospital from there and check in, did our NST and waited on the ob.. Time is passing, passing.. Passing... No OB. Apparently there was a miscommunication and unless there was another csection to be performed I would be going home and coming back the next day at my scheduled time.. They sent us home in the meantime until they decided..

So I still couldn't eat, while watching everyone eat lunch I was quite envious... As I sipped away at my water. By about 11 I was having contractions every 10 mins apart... Then down to 7 minutes between 1-2 and every 5 minutes from 2-3. I think she was trying to come one way or another lol. But my midwife thing lack of food and hydration was causing it because I went with no food for 19 hours total.... But back to the story haha. I was told to expect a call around one, but no such luck :( I called them and they still hadn't heard anything... At 220 I got a phone call saying to come in and the surgery would take place at 3.. Went in, waited, got changed, waited again, finally around 4 I went down to the OR with my midwife, got prepped and Adam was still upstairs when the surgery started. No nurses were available to bring him down, so my midwife went and got him and her key card failed to get back into the OR. But eventually someone let them in.. They started the surgery and Adam walked in.. A few minutes later our daughter was born. She had this sweet very quiet little cry. I was bawling when she was born. I said to Adam "oh my god, her cry is the absolute cutest ever, it's not even annoying!" Lol. Of all the things to say.. She was born at 4:44pm and was a spitting image of her sister...  <3 She was super alert right from the start, even as I went up post surgery. She was the most alert baby I've ever seen. It was so great to have her to chat to in the hospital because it got lonely seeing as Ben never wanted to stay longer than 20 minutes typically. I missed my kiddos so much :( She went unnamed for 3 days, but we finally decided on Brielle Scarlet for her name. She was born April 6/14 at 4:44pm.. Was 18.5 inches long and 6lbs 12oz <3 big brother and sister are very much loving their baby sister now... And now at 2 months old she's 23 inches long and 11lbs 8oz :)
And edit to add, recovering from a csection sucks big time when you're sick. Ugh!

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Summers update:
She's still doing well with her hearing aid, and has had 2 different ear moulds since my last check in. She got a blue one last time, and this time was red. And always sparkly. Of course. She's starting preschool in the fall. I have her enrolled for half days on Tuesday and Thursday so she can still see her friends at playgroup on Monday and Friday :) She's made a new friend at playgroup which is great because they will likely be in the same class come sept 2015.


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Bens update:
We saw the ENT specialist last week and found out that the tube in his right ear has fallen out. He said that's fine because it's been almost 9m since they were put in, but the bad news is there's fluid build up. We thing it might be caused by the cold he had at the time.. I'm hoping that's all it is. But we go back in July to be sure. Please keep Ben in your thoughts <3 other news, he's potty training. Using the potty every time while at home, the big potties while out and about have him running for the nearest rack to hide under and going pee there o.O sorry costco. Lol. We will get there one day, but I'm so proud it's finally working for him. One less kiddo to buy diapers for :P.






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Updates for Adam and Me:




I am recovering well. I thought I did pretty good recovery time wise. Didn't take near as long as I thought. We did a massive grocery shop about 10 days post partum. I seem to be doing well otherwise.. I recently chopped off 11.5" of my hair to donate. eek! I kinda miss it but don't :P







Adams doing well, fully abusing the power of parental leave and growing his hair/facial hair out... Don't ask me how I feel about this one ;) I wondered why I hadn't kissed him for so long then remembered when I went to kiss him hahaha. I am hoping this summer, with him being off, can be filled with fun memories of our family together. Hopefully filled with lots of beach, splash pad and other various trip memories :D looking forward to it.

Brielles' Birth Announcement

And to update with where she is.. Shes growing so much, but such a happy little baby. We love her to pieces <3

Another one of my favourite photos of Miss Brielle. My little Koala <3

Update time :)

Summer got her hearing aid back in September. It has made such a huge impact on her. They warned us it may do nothing at all, but in this case, its done everything we needed it to <3 She has become more outgoing, speaks to others, will run and scream with all the other kids, its great!!! Overall, less babbling, and more sentences which is super! She's in speech therapy once a week to help her out as well. She can recognize numbers and letters now, and loves to draw (our little artist :P)



Ben got tubes put in his ears back in October. It has helped him so much! No ear infections yet (knock on wood), sleeps at night (finally!) and is talking/babbling more now (a bit more outgoing than he usually was). He's our little trouble maker lol. LOVES to crawl up on everything and give everyone a heart attack in the process lol!!!.

Our family as a whole:

Is growing by one more :D I am due around April 8-12 (dates have varied per ultrasound and my cycle days). We found out we are expecting a little girl <3 No names yet, no :P  I am almost 20 weeks now WOAH! :D Life has been very busy with appointments, ultrasounds, speech therapy, hearing tests, bens tube procedure,sicknesses and trying to just have fun along the way :P I am very busy in upcoming weeks with photoshoots which I am very excited about. 

I was lucky enough to be asked to partake in a fundraiser at the MFRC to shoot christmas photos which got my name out there, and built up my portfolio :D The photos of the kids above were the ones I took of them, along with these cute ones.

And these were taken from home in my photo corner set up :)

 

Wish us luck :)

So were coming up on the end of cycle 2 post miscarriage. I was hesitant as to whether we should wait or just dive back in.. Even though we settled we would be fine with diving back in. The one cycle was under our belt as per requested by our doctor. I guess I'm just fearful of it happening again. It was such a horrible pain that I hope I never have to go through ever again. So, we are currently trying for baby #3. I think if I wait out my fear, we might as well just forget the idea of a third child ever :P which I do not want. When we ride a bike and fall down, it hurts, but we keep on trying until we reach our end goal. That is how I feel about this. Hopefully we will be lucky this month.  :)

As for other family on goings... Summer is speaking a lot more :) quite the chatter box and loves her movies :)

Ben is getting his two year molars. Ugh, poor guy. He's been in so much pain recently. First his head getting cut open from falling. Then hitting it so many times after from falling. :( also, he has fluid in both ears. We are hoping its just due to teething.. Not something that will require medical attention :(


That's as up to date as I can get you for now :)

A visit with the doctor.

Today was my follow up appointment with my doctor to catch up on how I was, and how I was dealing with the miscarriage. I told him how I felt.. It was beyond my control.. Nothing I did could have changed the outcome, it just wasn't meant to be.. this time. He then asked if we plan to try again, or what our plans were. I told him we definitely wanted to try for another.. And we wanted to as soon as he gave the ok to do so. Adam and I discussed our options, and we both agreed we would like to try again as soon as we could. I know we will get grief from outsiders, but case in point, it's our lives, not theirs. So keep your opinions to yourself. Pain and simple. The doctor asked if I had researched the amount of time to wait.. I said yes, that I read people were told 3 months. But, varying on how and when in the pregnancy the miscarriage took place, you could try sooner. And that no research has concluded that waiting is better than not waiting. They say 3 months to allow you time to grieve, and get your cycles back in order for easier dating.

He agreed that waiting it out isn't necessarily better, and that he would recommend at least waiting one cycle, but told me as I was leaving to come back when I'm pregnant and if we need to order an early ultrasound to date the pregnancy, he would do so :P. so the only benefit to waiting, in his eyes, was easier dating, which could be solved with an ultrasound.

So that bring us up to speed with where we are. Glad I have a doctor who supports our decision :)

Coping with everything..

I have found that getting everything out either by writing or talking helps me a lot. Writing more so because I can always go back and remind myself of certain things, or maybe even help others.. I told myself I didn't want to write anymore on Facebook regarding this matter. I know there are people who don't want or care to know, and others who it might just depress by reading. So to update where we stand..

The ultrasound on Friday showed everything was the same.. So my body wasn't taking care of it, yet. I was pretty saddened by this, but knew I had only been bleeding fully for one day... Come that night, everything got worse.. I was cramping really badly, it felt like labour.. I was not expecting it at all.. But I think I passed what I needed to.. I could be wrong, there might still be more... But I hope that was everything. It was terrible experiencing that pain all over again. Of course I thought of when I gave birth to my kiddos, cuz it was the exact same pain, minus actually giving birth.. Had to remember to breathe.. As crying due to pain. And couldn't help but think how much it sucked cuz I had no focal point.. Like with childbirth, I thought of the end result.. I couldn't do it this time.. It hurt so much..

Eventually around 1130 (5.5 hours after the cramping started) it started to ease off a bit, then I finally fell asleep. In the morning, I woke up to more cramping, tolerable though. Towards the middle of the day it started getting uncomfortable.. And as I sit here right now, I'm having more cramping that's pretty painful..

Adam has been a huge help through it all obviously. I'm so glad his work gave him the leave. Cuz I sure needed him all this time. He's helping to keep the kids occupied so I can try to get through this cramping as comfortably as I can.. Without being disturbed. I just wish I could have him with me through all the cramping cuz he's a great coach.

Oh ya, and breastfeeding through all this, definitely no walk in the park :(

Here, and gone.. Just like that.

It's such a lovely thing in life to experience pregnancy. It's one of the best feelings in the world aside from being a mother to the child once it's born. I was lucky enough to have two beautiful children. Both conceived on first tries. With no issues other than severe nausea with Summer, and all day sickness with Ben which I later figured out was due to acid reflux. Other than that, loved being pregnant. Loved it. So when we decided to try for baby #3, it was a bit harder due to breastfeeding.. I didn't even have a "cycle" to go off of until 16 months post partum. But, we got pregnant in March.  I was estatic. Overjoyed. The "holy crap, I can't believe we actually got pregnant finally! Without stopping breastfeeding" moment was glorious. I told Adam and the kids that night... Sent it in cards to our families against my gut saying maybe I should wait a couple weeks.. And told a couple close friends..

Pregnancy went pretty typically. Multiple bathroom trips throughout the night.. Heartburn, nausea, food aversions, all that fun fun stuff.. The doctor confirmed it with a test, and scheduled an ultrasound for around the 10 week mark.. Fast forward a bit.. I never really got sick.. This concerned me a lot.. I. Got reassurance from many people that every pregnancy is different, cuz it's true. But one day (I was 9 weeks and 2 days along), I woke up from a nap and noticed some bleeding.. Not a lot, but bleeding plus pregnancy, made me uneasy although I've head it can be common. So we packed the kids up and headed to emerge...

The doctor told me the plans... Bloodwork, pelvic exam, and schedule an ultrasound for the next day (Saturday) even though I had one set for Tuesday. Bloodwork showed no concern, as I was a positive blood type, not negative, pelvic exam was normal.. But they released me without telling me or getting back my hcg results.. I wish they never did this, cuz we would've known then.....

The next day I had Adam stay home with the kids which I wish now that he didnt... They did the two ultrasounds and said I wouldn't need another and they'd cancel Tuesdays one.. And sent me to emerge for my results.. My heart sank when they did this.. I knew it was going to be good. I sat there, alone, shaking, crying.. Cuz I knew what this meant.. I was loosing our baby :(... Finally, after the longest hour of my life, the doctor calls my name, and pulls me to a random room and tells me the baby stopped growing at 6 weeks 5 days.. I just broke down.. I've never been so heartbroken. Ever. Take the worst heart ache you've ever had and imagine it 10x worse.. 

After getting home I just cried all weekend. Knowing there was nothing I could do but wait and pass the baby... On Monday, I went to visit my doctor at the clinic to see if it could be a possible mix up in dates, it could've very well been, then it was maybe a little too soon to see the heartbeat. He said it could be, but that he was inclined to believe the doc and ultrasound tech as they're professionals.. So he took my bloodwork to compare to Fridays test, and rebooked an ultrasound for Friday.  I called his office the following morning and it was confirmed.. My levels were dropping..  So we now know 110% which way this is going.. trying to explain feelings.. I just couldn't.. But then I got a message from I'm going to call her my mentor for the last few years... And it said.. hi Heather...

When a woman is carrying a baby from the very start it's a baby...it has birthdays coming, and school, and love and laughter and disappointments...it's a person waiting to come into your life. When that life is lost, it doesn't matter how big or "far along" it was...you've lost the dream of what could be. In this one instance I can truly say I have a good idea of how you feel because I've been through it four times. I send all of my thoughts to you as you move through the next steps. Give yourself time, Heather. I'm glad someone could piece it together for me cuz that's exactly how I felt <3

Tomorrow, I find out if my body did all it needed to do, or if I need a d&c.. I'm pretty scared at this point. Nothing quite like miscarrying then potentially slap you in the face with a minor surgery. No thanks.

Adams aunt sent me this poem which is helping me heal...

The world may never notice
If a rosebud doesn't bloom
Or even pause to wonder
if the petals fall too soon.

But every life that ever forms,
Or ever comes to be
Touches the World in some small way
For all eternity.

The little ones we longed for
Were swiftly here and gone.
But the love that was then planted
Is a light that still shines on.

And though our arms are empty,
Our hearts know what to do
Every beating of my heart says
"I Remember You"
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