Saturday, November 16, 2013

Update time :)

Summer got her hearing aid back in September. It has made such a huge impact on her. They warned us it may do nothing at all, but in this case, its done everything we needed it to <3 She has become more outgoing, speaks to others, will run and scream with all the other kids, its great!!! Overall, less babbling, and more sentences which is super! She's in speech therapy once a week to help her out as well. She can recognize numbers and letters now, and loves to draw (our little artist :P)

Ben got tubes put in his ears back in October. It has helped him so much! No ear infections yet (knock on wood), sleeps at night (finally!) and is talking/babbling more now (a bit more outgoing than he usually was). He's our little trouble maker lol. LOVES to crawl up on everything and give everyone a heart attack in the process lol!!!.

Our family as a whole:
Is growing by one more :D I am due around April 8-12 (dates have varied per ultrasound and my cycle days). We found out we are expecting a little girl <3 No names yet, no :P  I am almost 20 weeks now WOAH! :D Life has been very busy with appointments, ultrasounds, speech therapy, hearing tests, bens tube procedure,sicknesses and trying to just have fun along the way :P I am very busy in upcoming weeks with photoshoots which I am very excited about. 

I was lucky enough to be asked to partake in a fundraiser at the MFRC to shoot christmas photos which got my name out there, and built up my portfolio :D The photos of the kids above were the ones I took of them, along with these cute ones.

And these were taken from home in my photo corner set up :)


Wednesday, June 26, 2013

Wish us luck :)

So were coming up on the end of cycle 2 post miscarriage. I was hesitant as to whether we should wait or just dive back in.. Even though we settled we would be fine with diving back in. The one cycle was under our belt as per requested by our doctor. I guess I'm just fearful of it happening again. It was such a horrible pain that I hope I never have to go through ever again. So, we are currently trying for baby #3. I think if I wait out my fear, we might as well just forget the idea of a third child ever :P which I do not want. When we ride a bike and fall down, it hurts, but we keep on trying until we reach our end goal. That is how I feel about this. Hopefully we will be lucky this month.  :)

As for other family on goings... Summer is speaking a lot more :) quite the chatter box and loves her movies :)

Ben is getting his two year molars. Ugh, poor guy. He's been in so much pain recently. First his head getting cut open from falling. Then hitting it so many times after from falling. :( also, he has fluid in both ears. We are hoping its just due to teething.. Not something that will require medical attention :(

That's as up to date as I can get you for now :)

Friday, May 24, 2013

A visit with the doctor.

Today was my follow up appointment with my doctor to catch up on how I was, and how I was dealing with the miscarriage. I told him how I felt.. It was beyond my control.. Nothing I did could have changed the outcome, it just wasn't meant to be.. this time. He then asked if we plan to try again, or what our plans were. I told him we definitely wanted to try for another.. And we wanted to as soon as he gave the ok to do so. Adam and I discussed our options, and we both agreed we would like to try again as soon as we could. I know we will get grief from outsiders, but case in point, it's our lives, not theirs. So keep your opinions to yourself. Pain and simple. The doctor asked if I had researched the amount of time to wait.. I said yes, that I read people were told 3 months. But, varying on how and when in the pregnancy the miscarriage took place, you could try sooner. And that no research has concluded that waiting is better than not waiting. They say 3 months to allow you time to grieve, and get your cycles back in order for easier dating.

He agreed that waiting it out isn't necessarily better, and that he would recommend at least waiting one cycle, but told me as I was leaving to come back when I'm pregnant and if we need to order an early ultrasound to date the pregnancy, he would do so :P. so the only benefit to waiting, in his eyes, was easier dating, which could be solved with an ultrasound.

So that bring us up to speed with where we are. Glad I have a doctor who supports our decision :)

Saturday, May 4, 2013

Coping with everything..

I have found that getting everything out either by writing or talking helps me a lot. Writing more so because I can always go back and remind myself of certain things, or maybe even help others.. I told myself I didn't want to write anymore on Facebook regarding this matter. I know there are people who don't want or care to know, and others who it might just depress by reading. So to update where we stand..

The ultrasound on Friday showed everything was the same.. So my body wasn't taking care of it, yet. I was pretty saddened by this, but knew I had only been bleeding fully for one day... Come that night, everything got worse.. I was cramping really badly, it felt like labour.. I was not expecting it at all.. But I think I passed what I needed to.. I could be wrong, there might still be more... But I hope that was everything. It was terrible experiencing that pain all over again. Of course I thought of when I gave birth to my kiddos, cuz it was the exact same pain, minus actually giving birth.. Had to remember to breathe.. As crying due to pain. And couldn't help but think how much it sucked cuz I had no focal point.. Like with childbirth, I thought of the end result.. I couldn't do it this time.. It hurt so much..

Eventually around 1130 (5.5 hours after the cramping started) it started to ease off a bit, then I finally fell asleep. In the morning, I woke up to more cramping, tolerable though. Towards the middle of the day it started getting uncomfortable.. And as I sit here right now, I'm having more cramping that's pretty painful..

Adam has been a huge help through it all obviously. I'm so glad his work gave him the leave. Cuz I sure needed him all this time. He's helping to keep the kids occupied so I can try to get through this cramping as comfortably as I can.. Without being disturbed. I just wish I could have him with me through all the cramping cuz he's a great coach.

Oh ya, and breastfeeding through all this, definitely no walk in the park :(

Thursday, May 2, 2013

Here, and gone.. Just like that.

It's such a lovely thing in life to experience pregnancy. It's one of the best feelings in the world aside from being a mother to the child once it's born. I was lucky enough to have two beautiful children. Both conceived on first tries. With no issues other than severe nausea with Summer, and all day sickness with Ben which I later figured out was due to acid reflux. Other than that, loved being pregnant. Loved it. So when we decided to try for baby #3, it was a bit harder due to breastfeeding.. I didn't even have a "cycle" to go off of until 16 months post partum. But, we got pregnant in March.  I was estatic. Overjoyed. The "holy crap, I can't believe we actually got pregnant finally! Without stopping breastfeeding" moment was glorious. I told Adam and the kids that night... Sent it in cards to our families against my gut saying maybe I should wait a couple weeks.. And told a couple close friends..

Pregnancy went pretty typically. Multiple bathroom trips throughout the night.. Heartburn, nausea, food aversions, all that fun fun stuff.. The doctor confirmed it with a test, and scheduled an ultrasound for around the 10 week mark.. Fast forward a bit.. I never really got sick.. This concerned me a lot.. I. Got reassurance from many people that every pregnancy is different, cuz it's true. But one day (I was 9 weeks and 2 days along), I woke up from a nap and noticed some bleeding.. Not a lot, but bleeding plus pregnancy, made me uneasy although I've head it can be common. So we packed the kids up and headed to emerge...

The doctor told me the plans... Bloodwork, pelvic exam, and schedule an ultrasound for the next day (Saturday) even though I had one set for Tuesday. Bloodwork showed no concern, as I was a positive blood type, not negative, pelvic exam was normal.. But they released me without telling me or getting back my hcg results.. I wish they never did this, cuz we would've known then.....

The next day I had Adam stay home with the kids which I wish now that he didnt... They did the two ultrasounds and said I wouldn't need another and they'd cancel Tuesdays one.. And sent me to emerge for my results.. My heart sank when they did this.. I knew it was going to be good. I sat there, alone, shaking, crying.. Cuz I knew what this meant.. I was loosing our baby :(... Finally, after the longest hour of my life, the doctor calls my name, and pulls me to a random room and tells me the baby stopped growing at 6 weeks 5 days.. I just broke down.. I've never been so heartbroken. Ever. Take the worst heart ache you've ever had and imagine it 10x worse.. 

After getting home I just cried all weekend. Knowing there was nothing I could do but wait and pass the baby... On Monday, I went to visit my doctor at the clinic to see if it could be a possible mix up in dates, it could've very well been, then it was maybe a little too soon to see the heartbeat. He said it could be, but that he was inclined to believe the doc and ultrasound tech as they're professionals.. So he took my bloodwork to compare to Fridays test, and rebooked an ultrasound for Friday.  I called his office the following morning and it was confirmed.. My levels were dropping..  So we now know 110% which way this is going.. trying to explain feelings.. I just couldn't.. But then I got a message from I'm going to call her my mentor for the last few years... And it said.. hi Heather...
When a woman is carrying a baby from the very start it's a has birthdays coming, and school, and love and laughter and's a person waiting to come into your life. When that life is lost, it doesn't matter how big or "far along" it've lost the dream of what could be. In this one instance I can truly say I have a good idea of how you feel because I've been through it four times. I send all of my thoughts to you as you move through the next steps. Give yourself time, Heather. I'm glad someone could piece it together for me cuz that's exactly how I felt <3

Tomorrow, I find out if my body did all it needed to do, or if I need a d&c.. I'm pretty scared at this point. Nothing quite like miscarrying then potentially slap you in the face with a minor surgery. No thanks.

Adams aunt sent me this poem which is helping me heal...

The world may never notice
If a rosebud doesn't bloom
Or even pause to wonder
if the petals fall too soon.

But every life that ever forms,
Or ever comes to be
Touches the World in some small way
For all eternity.

The little ones we longed for
Were swiftly here and gone.
But the love that was then planted
Is a light that still shines on.

And though our arms are empty,
Our hearts know what to do
Every beating of my heart says
"I Remember You"
Author unknown

Sunday, April 21, 2013

Summer had a party but these ones were the best ones cuz I could focus on her :) Before you judge us or throw a fit for Summer cutting her cake, she wanted to cut it. Adam was holding onto her hand while cutting it but let go for the split second that it took to take a photo.

Bens first birthday was spent with just a couple friends. Nothing big, it was perfect. We found out he doesn't really like cake.. just icing LOL! Which still made for cute photos. But overall, these were my favourites. The monkey cupcakes were for Summer & daddy. they very much enjoyed them lol

For Summers third birthday she invited her closest friends. All which can be seen in the middle photo. ( trust me, this is the best photo I have of the 4 of them LOL!). Anyways, it was them, plus Ben, and a bunch of adults. It was pretty fun. They played with balloons big and small, played on the ride on toys and then sat down for some cake! Obviously the party was princess theme, and Grayson came dressed up a prince <3 thanks for being a good sport bud! haha

I believe this brings my photos up to date as I promised a while back but never seemed to do :P hehe! Stay tuned for more fun photos and updates :D

Thursday, April 18, 2013

Time for a MUCH needed update.

Considering my last post was OVER a year ago, it's time for an update!!

Summer turned THREE 2 months ago.. I cannot believe she's already 3. There's so many updates I need to fill everyone in on with her.. She been paci free since 2.5 years old, and was fully potty trained about a month before her third birthday :) Shes growing so much, her speech is coming along a lot better now. She knows most of her shapes and colours, and can count to 10. For those who don't know, I noticed a couple red flags back in October with her that led me to believe she had hearing loss.. We had her tested for this, and sure enough, I was right. She was acting as if she never heard us while playing with her toys, at playgroup, she was kind of shy, wouldn't sit down for circle time (it can sometimes be noisy)... Which all got explained to me as she likely couldn't hear what I was trying to say to her due to all the background noise... She would also yell "mommy, where are you" and if I was upstairs she couldn't find me... So more tests showed her hearing loss was in the cochlea. But only in one ear thankfully. They said she might be able to go unaided, which is my hope. But it might be hard for her come school time when it comes to learning when the room might have a few noises and she might not be able to hear what teachers are saying...
She is also in speech therapy. They said she seems to have quite the vocabulary, and shes coming along better now. She used to have problems with B's. She could say Boat, but not bunny/benjamin (she would say dunny/denanin (or den for ben)). She explained that at this stage, its common to get B's & D's mixed up, which made me feel better. We've worked with her and she now can say both words just fine :) Right now, we are waiting to hear from the hospital when her MRI will take place. They're trying to figure out the cause of the hearing loss... But the optometrist say her eyes look great, so that eliminated ONE of the potential causes :) She's a perfect little girl, with the sass of a 5 year old :) lol!

Ben is now 18 months old (almost 19m). He's your typical boy.. Walking, running, spinning in circles, walking backwards, walking up and DOWN stairs (hello heart attack) and crawling anywhere that he possibly can! He loves to pick on his big sister, but in the end, they always hug it out. He loves dinosaurs, his cars, airplanes, anything boyish! He also has a mouthful of teeth since about 15 months old! Just waiting on the 2 year molars which I believe he is currently working on.. He's chewing on everything and crying :( Poor guy! He can be a pretty chilled boy most days, and he's generally smiling. But other days, hes pretty tempermental lol!!! He's generally ALWAYS on the move. (go figure :P) lol . His words are coming along. He always says thank you (which is AWESOME that he picked that  phrase up so soon!) And he loves to sing his rendition of twinkle twinkle little star to us hehe! Growing up so fast, I cannot believe it!!!

Together, they are partners in crime. Where ever one goes, the other is usually not far behind. I love how close they are <3

Stay tuned for more exciting news and updates to come!